I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
