I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
