i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
