My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dicks are not precious.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
