Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
