True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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