Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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