So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
