I think my vagina is haunted
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize