my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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