So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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