so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
