i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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