Don't make out with my wife yet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
