I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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