you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
