At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
