You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize