rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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