Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
