I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
