we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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