kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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