sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
