it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
