You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
