oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize