maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
