4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
