Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
