John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
