you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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