My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize