Just fell off a train. Bad.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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