He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
