My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize