'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
