I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
