why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
