I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
