so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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