He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
