either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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