no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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