she was so not down for the gang bang
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
