Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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