i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
