Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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