i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
