You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
