I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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