So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
