Small penises have feelings too.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
