My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it's like iHOP with fire
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
