You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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