He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
