Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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