I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you made out with another girl for some wings
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
