She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
