I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
