your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your tits are I can't wait for
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
