My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
