I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
