Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
