But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
