so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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