last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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