they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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