He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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