Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
