I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
