i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
