Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
