Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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