why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
