he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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