Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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