I wish you could order shots online.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
