I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
