Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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