I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
