dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
