I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
