The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
