i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
