so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
